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Tuesday, August 27th, 2002
3:37 am - life sucks.
hi. today's tim's birthday.. so happy birthday tim. i'm at the library right now. i was gonna wish him a happy birthday but he's not on right now. anyways, i dont know if anyone reads this or not anymore. i'm guessing probably not. maybe markus does. he's the one who reminded me that it still existed. so, yeah, my friend amanda is sitting next to me, everyone say hi! yeah.. nothing to say. bye.

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Wednesday, January 2nd, 2002
9:01 pm
I AM KURT COBAIN!!

<td>

I'm a shy, sensitive punk rocker, the most artistic of them all. I'm Kurt Cobain!
Click here to find out which Nirvana grunge rocker you are!
</font></td>
</center>

word.




Take the Which of Dan's Favorite Bands Are You? Test



# 1 Hardcore Punk
# 2 Emo
# 3 Funky alternative *unique*
# 4 Skater
# 5 Goth
# 6 Raver
# 7 Sporty/Casual
# 8 Ghetto
# 9 Prep
# 10 Flashy/Slutty


I'm hardc0re punk!@#@!# *flex*

You Are FLAMING TOILET PAPER FROM HELL!!


Malicious, evil, sadistic... those all describe you perfectly. World domination, preferrably through violent, destructive means, is your ultimate goal. You really, really, really like to play with fire. Remember: if you set the whole world on fire, there will be nothing left to dominate!
Take The Flaming Quiz at Fire For Ice!
Quiz by fire4ice


haha

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6:20 pm - *purr*
Markus jus wrote suffin about me so imma write suffin bout him. Soo Yeah. I dunno. I got off the phone with him a while ago and we had some fun with a candy cane. It kicked ass, and it was yummy too. HEHEHHEHEHEHE. Bahahahahah#@!$!@$ Okay, anyways. Raychul is bor-edd. =/ My day sucked but Markus made it better. Let's go through my day. Today, I...

got ready
started my car
drove to school
got my bag in my locker and hugged it alot
hugged it some more
looked through it to make sure the boogy man didnt steal anything
talked to curt and made plans with him for friday
entered homeroom
got compliments from the goths and the emo kids and the punks and the geeks about my hair, the preps just looked at me, the stoners looked at me funny and they were like "WHOAAAAAA, IS THAT RAAAAAAACCHHHHELLLLLLLLL?" 's funny. Anyways, I got together with my clique and we reminisced bout the last week, our inside joke and we made fun of the preppies. sorry for being sterotypical, but i cant stand those people.
went to first period: SEX ED! :D Pretty boring, we talked about STD's and bryan was like "I HAVE CRABS, IS THAT AN STD?" Me and Tara and John laughed, no one else.
walked to second period, spanish
nothing exciting happened, walked to my locker and got my hoodie because i was cold
everything was going fine until SOMEONE bumped into me. oh.. my god. they did it on purpose to. it was erica lamarande. i saw her when i was walking to 6th, but ill get to that later.

markus wantsa see what i wrote soooo ill continue another time BYE =/

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5:51 am - Shleepy.
Markus is shopping, I just woke up and yeah I'm going to school. It sucks. I'm so fucking unwilling to go. I miss mawkus. =/ He's buyin sweaters or suffin neat. He could stay home and wear my sweaters. =( Ahh well I'mma go pack my lunch like a nerrrrrddd!#!@# Bibi. I ruv Markus.

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Tuesday, January 1st, 2002
6:53 pm - Meeeooowww.
I just got offa phone with markus. Hes writing something about me too. There's soo many floodbots on chatnet today, Its scary. Anyways, back to my mawkus. He's lookin ubersexy latley! As always. He's got cute red/black hair an its sooooo cute. I dyed my hair, i look like a crayon! Haha. I do though. It's pretty funny. Yeah, so anyways, back to Markus again. He made me feel bad onna phone but now it's all good cause he made it alllll better!# ...by moaning at me. *cough* Yah, he's so cute, I ruv him soo much. Lookit my surveys! I mention my boi alot cause I just wuv him to death. :D
Lalala! Miso in loooooooveee! Markus is gonna read this. so HII MAWKUS!@@ *SMOOCHES AN CUDDLES AN HUGS AN LUBS AN KISSES AN SEX0RS*!#@!@$#%$%^&#$%#$!@ i wuvoo sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. lol :D *sit on your lap and put on her cowboy hat.

...
Okay, now I'm acting like an idiot. *drool over markus s'more* =/ I wonder what he's writing about me. He's the only person who makes me happy. Gawd I'm so curious. I love Markus so lots he makes me so friggin happy alla time I love him to death!@# *take deep breath* Blah, I dunno what else to write. I'll write out everything I like bout my baby.

1) his evil personality
2) his sweet side towards me
3) his forearms an shoulders.. mmm.
4) His decent music taste
5) his eyes
6) his cute lil nose
7) his tattoos
8) his tongue peircing
9) his voice
10) his lil signs he makes me
11) his penis
12) his hair

AND EVVVERRRRRRYYYYYTHINGGGGGGG else. !!! :P I love markus, he's done so imma read his, and he's gonna read mine. I wuvoo baby, never leave me =] *smooch*

current mood: horny

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11:10 am - more surveys.. =/
RELATIONSHIP SURVEY

BASICS
[1]. Boyfriend's name: Markus
[2]. Hair/eyes: naturally blonde/blue
[3]. His Height: 6'6'' Yah, he be tawwwwwl. =/
[4]. His age: 20
[5]. Dating since: June 6th, 2001.

SURVEY
[1]. First actual date: to your moms house.
[2]. Who asked who out? He asked me.
[3]. Where/when did the asking take place? at night, online.
[4]. Describe your first kiss: neat0.
[5]. When did you meet him? sometime in 2000 or something
[6]. Worst qualities: his music taste, his work schedule, 's all i can think of.
[7]. Best physical feature: Forearms/shoulders.. UNF. oh my god.
[8]. 5 Best emotional qualities: He's honest, protective, adorable, sweet, and calm.
where's #9??
[10]. Favorite place to cuddle: anywhere theres oxygen.
[11]. Type of cologne he wears: I dont know damnit.
[12]. Do you ever argue? Sometimes, not abourt anything serious.
[13]. Favorite school event to attend together: we're too cool for school bitchass.
[14]. Best thing he's ever done for you: Loved me and made me cool signs on his webcam ;P
[15]. Said "I love you" yet? yes, all the time
[16]. Do you perform sexual favors for him? hell yeah.
[17]. If so, which is your favorite? moaning for him.. maybe. i dont know. showing him my clevage.
[18]. Do you have sex? ...
[19]. If not, how far have you gone? shush you
[20]. Seen each other naked? he's seen parts. ;P I've seen him alllllll. hahah.
[21]. If so, when was the last time? Erm, yesterday?
[22]. When was the first time? God. Uh, 2 summers ago?
[23]. When was the last time you kissed? i dont remember.
[24]. Favorite type of kiss together? what the hell kind of question is that. Every type. Jesus.
[25]. Do you tease him? YYYep. =/
[26]. Is it easy to turn him on? HAHA. Yep.
[27]. What's your favorite way to tease him, if you do? it's a secret.
[28]. Best movie you've seen together: UH.
[29]. Worst movie you've seen together: uhh.
[30]. His favorite outfit of yours: nothing.
[31]. Favorite thing he's given you: his cool speshul ring that i wear 24/7
[32]. Favorite thing you've given him: Hahah. I dont know, i dont think i have given him anything.
[33]. Favorite date: hell knows.
[34]. Thing you regret most that you did during your relationship:
[35]. Does his family like you? They love me supposedly.
[36]. Does your family like him? Mommy does.
[37]. Say something to sum your relationship up: Sex Filled and Satisfying. Hahah. No, it's comforting an i feel super loved and i dont want it to end EVAR!!!!!!!!!!1111111111 heh.



What Color Underwear Are You?

<td>
Alice

You're just a girl; you tend to get frustrated easily, you daydream quite a bit, and you try to avoid making trouble, though curiosity always gets the better of you. Even under tight circumstances, however, you put aside (some of) your fear and figure out what's the best thing to do. You want a better understanding of your world. </td>




Jessicka Fodera is my personality match! click here to find out who yours is!


1. the last cd you bought? Hole - Live Through this.
2.the next cd you want to get? Jimmy Eat World - Bleed American. I have it burned but i wanna support the band like a good girl.
3. last place you ate @? ruby tuesdays wif daddy. =]
4.las time you had a headache? have one right now.
5. would you rather be the driver or the passenger? driver. *racecar sounds*
6.how do you know when you are getting tired? my eyelids get heavy.
7.how do you handle being around stupid people? i stay my uninterested, sarcastic, bitchy self, its amusing
8.how do you handle rude people? tell them what's on my mind >_<
9.funniest thing you have said answering your phone? "THIS IS MISS CLEO AND I SHALL ANSAR YAR QVESTIUNS"
10.last movie you saw? Loser
11.last song you heard? teenage dirtbag
12.last book you read? forgot.
13. where do you order your pizza from? pizza hut.
14. where do you get your subs/sandwiches? subway
15.do you like to run into people when you go out? no, i'm the antisocal type.
16.when you go out do you have to check your outfit to make sure you didn't wear it last time you went out? No, not because it couldnt happen, because i couldnt care less. =]
17.do you use white out? no
18.do you get shy when it comes to talking about "going to the bathroom?" Uhm, not really.
19.do yo like your hair? Its pretty damn neat.
20.what's your favorite kind of pie? I dont like pie.
21.do you over-listen to cd's? yes
22.do you hate when the phone wakes you up? yes. cept when its mawkus.
23. name some shows that are no longer on tv that you used to watch. Torkelsons, clarissa, the snorks, carebears, rainbow brite, my little pony, the smurfs, any 80s cartoons.
24.name some sunday comics that you used to/still do read. Peanuts =(
25. some occupations you can see yourself having: lawyer, rockstar, stripper, psychiatrist or something.. i dont know, rockstar definatley. *flex*



Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!


-What's the meanest thing anyone has ever said to you in your whole life? I've had a lot of mean things said to me, but the last one was "You're the worst friend ever"
-What's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you? "You made me the happiest person alive" "I Love You With All of My Heart" (There's been other really sweet things too)
-What's the meanest thing you have ever said to another person? I dunno..but I know I have been really bitchy at times
-What do you love most about your job/school? nothing
-What do you hate most about your job/school? Authority.
-Do you get parking karma [a space close by when you need it most]? If I'm lucky
-Do you get shopping karma [your item[s] on sale when you need it/the most? Not usually...I usually buy it, and then it goes on sale the next day
-Are you patient? Sometimes, but I should be a lil' more patient at times
-What tries your patience most? Authority
-Are you polite? Nope
-Are you kind? To certain people.
-What makes it hard for you to stay sweet? Authority..
-Do you have a bad temper? the worst.
-Do you respect your elders? hell no.
-What's your favourite way to spend an afternoon off? sleep.
-What's the thing you'd rather be stuck working than doing? taking orders, obeying ridiculous rules.
-What's your favourite food? gummybears
-What's your least favourite food? anything else.
-What's your favourite childhood comfort food? gummybears
-What's your now that you're an adult and can afford it favourite comfort food? gummybears.
-If you're over 18, have you ever have ice cream and pizza for breakfast? no, gummybears.
-How do you sleep [on your side, on your back, all sprawled out, fetal position, etc]? curled up in a ball on my side.
-Are you a blanket hogger?no
-What's the ideal time of day to wake up? 4 or 5 am
-What's the ideal time to go to bed? 8 or 9 pm
-What time did you go to bed last night? 10:00
-What's your guilty pleasure [or pleasures]? gummybears.
-If someone offered you $10,000 to go without your computer for 60 days, would you accept the offer? I'd buy another computer, genius.
-If you could go back to an earlier point in your life, knowing then what you know now, when would it be and would you really choose to go back? no, not really.
-If you could have any superpowers, which would they be? who the hell knows.
-What car would you drive if money was no object? An old 80s van with graffiti and band stickers all over it.
-Where would you live if money was no object? Seattle.
-What was the worst day of your life? everyday is the worst day of my life, except maybe the 28th. the 28th was pretty damn good.
-When you think of your wedding day, do you ever picture a specific groom? Markus.
-What would you name your children? Ira John and Jane Louise.
-What are three nice things that have never happened to you, that you wish would? not hurting anyone, being happy, being a rockstar. =/
-What are some song lyrics that describe you, as you are right now at this point in your life? There's too many.


1. Can you walk around your house @ night with the lights off and not run into anything? Usually, but there are the times I seem to run into everything even with the lights on

2. Ever put off emailing for over a month? Yeah, felt good.

3. Ever received a "why don't you write me?" e-mail? Once or twice

4. Ever taken your frustration/bad mood out on others? All the time.

5. Ever had a huge argument and then realized that you were wrong? Yes

6. Ever left things the way they were just because it would be harder to resolve it? Yeah just because I didn't feel like going through the arguing, crying, and heart-ache

7. Ever thought someone was "hopeless?" Yeah.

8. Ever been so dazed that you take a drink of water but completely miss your mouth? Yeah

9. Ever dropped your toothbrush in the toilet? no.

10. Have you ever dropped something in the toilet that you HAD to retrieve? not that i remember.

11. Ever driven off from the gas station without closing the gas thing? no

12. Can you sleep better @ night or during the day? Night

13. Do you print out pictures of celebrities/musicians off of the Internet? I print out pictures of markus.

14. Have you ever entered an art contest? Yeah.

15. Do you remember the Lisa Frank phase? Yes, oh god. I hated that shit, stuff was so tacky. ugh.

16. Is your favorite color evident by the clothes you wear? yes.

17. Coats and sweaters or tank tops and bathing suits? Coats and sweaters.

18. Do you think everyone should have a significant other during the winter months? No, i think i should though.

19. Is there a movie that you can really relate to? Yes.

20. Ever found lyrics to a song that almost exactly describes you? Yes.

21. Ever go to a "place of business" so often that costumers think you work there? Uh, no

22. Would you go to a strip club to watch members of the opposite sex? Same sex? Both.

23. What do you think of guys who dress in drag? Pretty funny.

24. Do you think movies overemphasize the differences in society? (Sexual preferences, racial, cultural, religious identities)? Yes.

25. Do you look @ people in the car next to you at the stoplight? No, i like minding my own damn business.

26. Ever said a word so many times in a row that it didn't even sound like a word anymore? Yeah

27. Was there a book series you read growing up? I started reading novels with daddy in like 2nd grade. I dont remember.

28. Do you write letters on notebook paper, stationary, computer paper, other, or all? all at different times

29. Ever written a letter to someone and weren't able to give it to them because it was so personal and detailed? Yeah.

30. Where do your wet towels end up after your shower/bath? Either in the clothes hamper or over the shower

31. Ever guessed what time it was and been off by Hours? What kind of question is that, but yeah I have

32. Do you have a subscription to anything? Circus, Guitar One and Cosmo

33. Do you get more friend mail, business mail, or junk mail? friend mail.

34. Ever slept nude? Yep.

35. Ever walked around your house nude? Do it alot.

36. Anyone ever accidentally see you naked? Visa versa? Not accidently

37. Do you dental floss daily? Weekly? daily.

38. Do you use mouthwash or think that brushing is enough? I just brush.

39. Ever been in the middle of a sexual act and actually Felt The Heat between the two of you? Yes.

40. Are you able to act? Yeah i guess.

41. Can you give public speeches without freaking out? Yes

42. Ever had to think extremely hard to remember what happened the day before? When I'm hungover

43. Which is better: music of today, music of yesterday? music of yesterday

44. Do you drive through town, or around it? around

45. Ever find humor in a part of a movie that no one else does? Yes, i pick up on sarcasm better than other people, and that just makes me laugh

46. What do you spend most of your money on? gummybears, vegan food.

47. What do you waste most of your money on? gummybears

48. Can you like the lyrics without liking the song? Yeah.

49. Can you like the song without understanding the lyrics? No, i cant like anything if I dont understand or relate to it.

50. Are accents a turn on? Markus' is. He purrs like a GOD.

51. Do you dream more good then bad? no.

52. Can you interpret your own dreams or do you have to have someone else tell you what they think? i interpret everything on my own. I dont like criticism or feedback.

53. Radio or cd?s? cds.

54. Movies or TV series? Movies, i hate tv.

55. Ever regret saying something hurtful? I dont regret.

56. Ever regret expressing your love? I dont regret damnit.

57. Do you think some things should be left unsaid? Yes.

58. Do you stand up for yourself? No, I let people walk all over me. Guys atleast. But that's only cause im dependent.

59. Do you stand up for others? Only Markus.

60. Do you know the difference between standing up for others and fighting someone else?s battles? Yes

61. Things you would like to say to: (omit any that don't apply)
? Favorite past teacher? dont have one. if i did, she can burn in hell with everyone else that ever talked to me.
? Favorite current teacher? same.
? Your boss? dont have one
? The last person who made you cry? I love you.
? The last person who you bitched @? Next time it'll be worse, bitch.
? The last person who took you for granted? i dont know.
? The last person you hugged? I love you.
? The director of your favorite movie? I love you.
? G.W. Bush? fucking hypocrite.
? Michael Jackson? meow pussycat.
? Peewee Herman? You are my hero.
? Your favorite dead musician/celebrity? I love you.
? Your favorite living musician/celebrity? I love you, and Frances.
? Your internet provider? thanks for taking away my social life. Not that i ever had one or anything.
? Your best friend? *hugs*
? Your first love? I love you. dicks are for chicks.
? Your current love? YOU ARE SOO BEWTEEEFUL TO MEE#@!@# ruvoo.
? The person who thought of mixing soap and water, putting it in a container with a looped stick and selling it? You are my god.
? The person who made this list of questions? Must have had a lot of free time on your hands

62. Is there anything that you truly:
? Protest? Authority
? Support? Anarchism
? Hate? Authority. The Government. The world. People.
? Love? Markus
? Believe in? your mom
? Ignore/doubt? People.
? Admire? Courtney Love, Kurt Cobain, Anyone in the grungy era except PJ. Jimi Hendrix, Morrison, Janis Joplin, Women in rock.
? Want? a life.
? Have? a cow.


First crush: Jon
First kiss: Bryan
First time to have sex: 15
Single or attached?: attached
Date around or tied down?: tied down.
Ever been in love?: Yes
If so, who and are you still in love?: Yeah, Markus.
Do you believe in love at first sight?: I guess
Do you believe in "the one?": Sure
Describe your ideal significant other: Geeky, quiet, honest, cute, affectionate and dorky.
Describe your ideal date: Battle of the bands.

Have you ever skinny dipped?: Yes
If so, been caught?: nope
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: Yep
Have you ever been intoxicated?: Yes
If so, when and with who?: yesterday
Favorite place to be kissed?: jawline/neck
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": Yes
Are you a tease?: Sometimes, i'm not a hardcore cocktease though.

For your ideal date:
Boxers or briefs?: boxers
Long or short hair?: Long
Dark or light hair?: dark is sexy
Eye color: Blue or green
Short or tall?: Just taller than me
Mr. Sensitive or Mr. Funny?: mr. funny
Good guy or bad guy?: bad. yummy.
Piercings?: Tongue, ears, labret, and lip.
Cologne: Obsession
Snowboarders or surfers?: snowboarders
Greek or geek?: GEEK! :D
Tan or fair?: fair
Stubble or neatly shaven?: stubble. mm.
Outdoorsy or sportsy?: indoorsy. :|
Accent or none?: none
Feature you notice first: Eyes


Are you a...
Wuss: no
Druggie: yes
Gang member: damn straight yo.
Daydreamer: no
Alcoholic: hardcore
Freak: kinda
Dork: yes
Bitch: yes
Sarcastic: 24/7, no thats not sarcasm.
Goody-goody: Hell no.
Angel: hell no.
Devil: absolutley.
Horny: yes.
Friend: no.
Shy: yes.
Talkative: definatley not.
Adventurous: no
Joker: no
Pimp/Playa: No.
Call-girl: no
Sporty: No
Intelligent: yes.
Flirty: no.


~The physical feature for which you are most often complimented: Eyes. Tits and ass from markus.
~A place where you have always wanted to make love: on the beach
~A wonderful place where you have made love: in my cozy warm bed
~A strange place where you have made love: fitting room in kaufmans.
~A special place on your body that, when kissed, feels unbelievably good: jawline and earlobes.
~An unfulfilled sexual fantasy: fucking in the rain.
~A fragrance that reminds you of someone you have been intimate with: Obsession
~A fulfilled sexual fantasy: not telling.
~The most perverted situation you have ever been in: talking to Jaden.
~The approx. number of sexual partners you have been with: 6-7
~The first time you ever achieved orgasm: on my 16th birthday.
~Person you regret sleeping with: Chris.
~A person you regret not sleeping with: Tim Pagnotta.
~You feel most attractive when: i'm naked. =/
~A fantastic kisser you have known: Curt.
~The worst kisser you have ever experienced: Paul

--You--

~Profession: personal sex slave.
~Height: 5'6''
~Distinguishing marks: two dif. colored eyes. =/
~Allergies: none
~Lucky number: 61
~A smell that makes you pause: obsession (cologne)
~A taste that makes you melt: strawberry body smarts.
~A hobby that occupies your time: writing
~A city you'd like to visit: Seattle
~A country you'd like to explore: yer mom.
~Your favorite meal: gummybears.
~A drink you order most often: Baja Luna.
~A delicious desert: strawberry cheese cake.
~A book you highly recommend: anything by Poppy Z Brite. That woman is a goddess.
~The music you prefer while alone: punk/emo/grunge
~While at a Party: punk/emo
~Your favorite band: i have 67.
~A film you could watch over and over: drop dead fred
~A TV show you watch regularly: Smurfs.
~A monument you would like to have a view of from your room: i dont know.
~Your favorite time of the day: 3-4am.
~Your favorite place to sit at home: on my bed

--Your stuff--

~You live in a(n): house
~Your transportation: 00 avenger
~You approx. annual income: i dont know.
~Your cologne or perfume: B&BW cucumber melon.
~Under your bed or in your closet you hide: journals, books, a lock box, photos, poem books, sketch books.
~Something important on your night table: my glasses and bag of gummybears? =/
~When you sleep, you wear: panties and a bra. sometimes a tshirt.
~If you had a safe, in it you would keep: everything thats under my bed
~Things you like to buy: new journals, books, useless dictionaries of slang and swear words.
~If you could afford it at this moment, you would buy: new chucks and some more gummybears and a new book.
~You collect: journals, books, chuck taylors, wrist bands
~You don't have a lot of: will to live
~Your strangest possession: I have a condom wrapper that i always carry in my bag
~Your most expensive possession: My car
~Your most prized possession: stuff.

--Your morals--

~People should not marry before this age: people should marry whenever the fuck they want to marry.
~People should not have children before this age: whenever the fuck they want to.
~The appropriate age for having sex: after 14.
~The first time you had sex, you were this age: 15
~When you are late for an appointment and it's your fault, do you tell the truth or tell a white lie: Truth
~Your most recent lie: i dont remember, obviously it wasnt that important.
~One person you might kill if the law would protect you: Britney spears.
~One thing in this world you are addicted to: alcohol, suicidal thoughts, death and markus.
~A drug or alcoholic beverage you take on a regular basis: straight vodka.
~If there were no side effects, you would enjoy being addicted to: gummybears.
~Drugs you have tried in the past: anything but heroin and a couple other stimulants
~A drug you will never try again: E, its stupid since ravers got into it.
~You believe hitting a child is an appropriate form of discipline: no, hell no. ive been hit too fucking much to say yes. it fucking hurts, fuck that. i hate parents who do that.
~have you hit a woman? yes.
~have you hit a man? yes.
~You have been arrested? yes. once.
~You have read someone's diary or gone through their personal possessions without asking? yes, but everyone goes through my shit anyways so why not?
~What would your reaction be if your spouse or partner cheated on you: i'd just cry alot.
~Have you purposely hurt someone emotionally: No
~Have you apologized? ...
~Have you accidentally hurt someone emotionally: Yes.
~Have you apologized? Yes several times
~Do you owe someone money but have stalled paying it back: i dont borrow money.
~If yes, how much is the amount? ...

--Your religion and views of the world--

~Do you believe in God? sometimes
~What religion were you raised with: catholic
~Do you still practice this religion: fuck no
~Your most spiritual moment: never had one
~Death is: probably better than what life is now.
~How you picture the end of the world: amusing.
~Do you feel that most wars started because of religious conflicts: i could care less.
~Does life exist on other planets? Yes
~Have they made contact with us? Who knows
~Do you believe we come from Adam and Eve: Eve was a slut. I dont have a religon.
~Do you believe in astrology: sometimes
~Do you read your horoscope: Sometimes
~Have you ever been treated by a psychotherapist: yes.
~If reincarnation does exist, you'd like to come back as: kurt cobain or shannon hoon. he died on my birthday. =/

--Your opinions--

~The right to have an abortion: i think its pretty stupid. i'm not all for killing babies, but i dont think it should be illegal.
~The right to own guns: i'd like to own one.
~The welfare system: i wish i was on welfare.
~The death penalty: i wish i was on death row
~Rights and services for illegal immigrants: *shrugs*
~Legalization of drugs: people are gonna do them regardless, whats the point.
~Equal rights for homosexuals: amen.
~The practice of premarital sex: why wait for someone to have sex with when youre married? what if you dont like the sex? what if they end up having no penis? then what are you gonna do? be horny for the rest of your life? i dont think so. thats so fucking stupid. people have to experiment, its human instinct, morons.
~The worst crime against humanity: Racism.
~The minimal punishment for those who molest children: life in prison.
~The minimum punishment for those who rape: life in prison.
~Your opinion of the military: the military owns.
~Your opinion of the draft: it's very, very fucking scary. i hate it.
~You would fight in a war if: i could kill myself too.
~The environmental issue that concerns you most: rainforests. =[ poor aminals.


1. What time is it? 10:52 AM
2. Name as it appears on your birth certificate: Rachel Lynne Morgan
3. Nickname(s): Online: me0w, nerdc0re and antic0smo.
4. Parents names: David and Debbie.
5. Number of candles that appeared on your last birthday cake: 61.
6. Date that you regularly blow them out? Oct 21.
7. Pets: one kitty, 4 dogs, couple fish and a turtle.
8. Eye color: Green and Brown
9. Hair color: right now, it's crayon red.
10. Piercings: 6
11. How much do you love your job? im not telling.
12. Favorite color: black
13. Hometown: Syracuse
14. Current Residence: Liverpool
15. Favorite food: gummybears
16. Been to Africa? no
17. Been toilet papering? no
18. Been in a car accident? yeah
19. Croutons or bacon bits? croutons
20. Sprite or 7-UP? Sprite
21. Favorite Movies: drop dead fred, nightmare before christmas
22. Favorite Holiday: Halloween
23. Favorite day of the week. thursday
24. Favorite word or phrase: "neato" "rad" and "gnarly"
25. Favorite Restaurant: i dunno
26. Favorite toothpaste: crest
27. Favorite drink: water
28. Favorite sport to watch: hockey
29. Preferred type of ice cream: vanilla
30. Favorite Sesame Street Character: Cookie Monster or snuffy
31. Disney or Warner Bros.? Disney
32. Favorite fast food restaurant: Taco Bell
33. When was your last hospital visit? Last month
34. What color is your bedroom carpet? i have hardwood floors.
35. How many times did you fail your drivers test? i didnt.
36. Have you been convicted of a crime? Yes
37. Which single store would you choose to max out your credit card? Hot Topic or the thrift store.
38. What do you do most often when you are bored? irc.
39. Name the person that you are friends with who lives the farthest: Markus.
40. Most annoying thing people ask me: "Are you gothic?"
41. Least favorite phrase people use: "be good"
42. Bedtime: 8-9pm
43. Favorite all time t.v. show: Smurfs
44. Last person you went out to dinner with: my daddy
45. Last movie you saw in a theater: Jay and silent bob strike back
46. Time when you finished: 11am



thats enough shit for today. =/

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Monday, December 31st, 2001
1:05 pm - Rants for 12/31
.random thoughts.



i'm in trouble. okay, i'm not, actually, but i didn't know how else to start this thing. so there you have it. as you'll find out, i'm really random. well, in my world i'm not. but you don't know how i can make the connection between farting and skydiving. come to think of it, neither can i, but i'm sure i could come up with something. point being, here are some of my most random thoughts and opinions which i would love for you to read. i hope some of them make you laugh. i hope some of them piss you off. i hope you don't agree with me. and keep in mind that i'm fickle, and my mind will change from one day to another. these thoughts aren't in any particular order of importance. i don't mean to offend anyone--we're all entitled to our opinions. however, my life does not revolve around these opinions. if i ever apologize, keep in mind that i am not sorry for my opinions or beliefs --i'm just sorry that you would take me so seriously. if any of this bothers you, feel free to write me and tell me. input of any kind is greatly appreciated.


.rice pudding.


i love rice pudding. i don't understand how some people don't even know what it is. how could you possibly NOT know? it's rice. and pudding. i mean, people will eat all sorts of nasty shit, yet they can't fathom eating rice pudding. some people are down with some sweet ass licking. why can't you be down with some sweet rice pudding? i mean, you're not going to get any diseases from it. sweet ass licking? you'll most likely get a disease.


.monopoly.


jesus, it doesn't get any better than this. i've owned monopoly since i was like 10, and i never played it until last year at school with the boys down the hall from my room. it got pretty intense. anyways, that's not what i wanted to write about. what i want to mention is how much i hate when people put down monopoly and they've never played it. or when people play and they buy all the properties at once. hello, there's no strategy behind that. you don't just go and buy all the properties like that. you gotta pick specific properties you want. and you gotta build. i mean, seriously, if you don't plan these things out you're just gonna fuck everyone else over. and granted, that's the point of the game, but what good does it do when you're not making any money yourself? as for making deals, don't be a pussy. you gotta keep the game rolling. you have to give in every once in a while, for the sake of the game. oh, and one more thing: i can't stand it when people say that monopoly takes too long. THAT'S BECAUSE NOBODY IS MAKING DEALS! fuckers. if you're one of these people, i never want to play with you.


.human leashes.


it's not like i've never witnessed this before, but a couple of weeks ago, at kings dominion, i saw this goth boy holding a chain which was connected to collar which was attached to a goth girl. this makes me laugh. wait. stop. i know what you're thinking: here comes the feminist bit. actually, i'm hardly a feminist. actually, i'm nowhere near being a feminist. but goddamn, shit like that pisses me off. it's just retarded. i don't care if the girl is leading the guy around. what's the fucking point? does he still hold on to the chain as they're going down rollercoasters? what happens when she has to pee? what if she wants to go one way, and he goes the other way? i'm, in all honesty, baffled.


.sXe. and other bullshit.


(disclaimer: i used to be straight edge.) okay, i wasn't really "straight edge" like kids are nowadays. i chose not to drink, i had never done any drugs or smoked, etc. but i wasn't militant about it. i didn't advertise it, or make a big deal about it. my life didn't revolve around a "lifestyle", if you will. i guess what i want to say is fuck you to everyone who gets all pissy about other people's choices. i guess that goes for any activist movement. i say YAY FOR YOU if you want to believe in something. i think that's healthy. what i don't like is when people try to change other people or condemn other people for their personal beliefs or choices. i guess this applies also to religions. i've had people come up to me and bite my head off for wearing leather, for drinking, for eating meat, for going to church and saying "jesus christ", etc. look-- i don't like you either, but you don't hear me complaining, okay? just let it be. trust me, i'd respect you and your beliefs a lot more if you weren't trying to shove them down my throat. more on this later.


.1993.


my friend beeca recently told me that 1993 was the year of the woman, or something to that effect. apparently, that was the year that women suddenly became independent and stopped letting guys pick up the check and open doors for them and all the other great things in life. so here i am thinking, what the F? why wouldn't you want someone to do all these nice things for you? i personally think it's sweet. i wouldn't abuse of it. i've bought guys dinner, taken them out, openned doors for them. i dunno... if a guy buys me dinner, i don't see it as a power trip. he's not superior to me. it doesn't mean that he makes more money than me. and if he does, who cares? some guys genuinely want to take a girl out, not to show off, but because that's how they want to show her that she's special. there's nothing wrong with that. maybe some girls feel uncomfortable with that. i don't. i like flowers. i like little gifts. but i also like to do the same for the boy. cuz boys are neat like that.


.construction workers.


someone needs to tell these fucks that grabbing their crotch is not the best way to get a date.

.kline's ice-cream.


i realize this isn't a pressing issue, but it came up in conversation the other night, so whatever. kline's is this tiny hole in the wall that people refer to as an ice-cream shop located in harrisonburg, va. i've always thought it was a joke because they only have 3 flavors: vanilla, chocolate, and the special of the day. any time anyone ever mentions kline's, people roll their eyes and go off about how it has the best vanilla ice cream they've ever had in their life. now, this is what kinda bugs me: it's vanilla ice cream. i don't know-- to me it's either good or bad. there isn't really a degree of goodness. i dunno...it's just funny to me when people say it's the best they've ever had, cuz in my head i'm thinking, "as opposed to all the other good vanilla ice cream you've had?" how does one gauge the goodness of vanilla ice cream? what makes it better? i'm not bitching about it, cuz i always feel like i'm an asshole or something for not being able to tell the difference. it's really all the same to me.


.activism, part II.


again, i want to apologize to my friends if this offends them, but, well, it's just me, guys. i'm harmless. anyway... a few years ago, my mom and i found out that my cousin, claudia, became a vegetarian. so, the three of us went to get some food at a mall, and of course my cousin's diet came up. i just sat there for the next half hour, completely in awe by my mom's argument. my cousin had said that she stopped eating meat because she didn't like knowing that poor defenseless animals had been tortured for people to eat. to make a long story short, what peeved my mom (and myself) was that my cousin was overly concerned with these animals, yet she had never helped a homeless person out. some of you may not see the connection. let me break it down for you: there are people dying on the streets, right under our nose, homeless people, starving people, and you're worried about a chicken?? i'm not saying not to fret over the chickens. go ahead and fret. i'm just saying, if you really want to help out with something important, why not help someone in your own community? i'm not saying that all vegetarians are like this. i'm just writing about this one isolated conversation and my thoughts on it. perhaps it pertains to you. i hope it doesn't. at least not in a bad way. and yes, i have helped out in shelters several times. hi-- i lived in a 3rd world country for 4 years.


.free tibet.


this sort of pertains to the above, and i'm sure you guys are probably thinking i'm the antichrist right about now... okay, here goes: how are you gonna free tibet when you can't even help someone out in your own country? again, i'm not saying that you shouldn't fight for a cause. i think it's awesome that so many people are becoming so involved with current world affairs. it just blows my mind how easily we overlook the problems in our own backyard.


.Y2K no show.


i just want to take this moment to express how disappointed i was that the world didn't stop at the turn of the millenium. let me point out that i wrote "stop" and not "end". granted, i find it amusing that some people's moms were filling up their bathtubs with water and stocking up on canned foods to last the next 5 months. but still. not even a riot. no, i'm not some stupid punk anarchist. i just wanted SOMETHING to happen. anything. a blackout would have been pretty cool. if the t.v. had exploded, that would have been a lot cooler. if robots had taken over the world, i would have shit my pants. but no... same old same old. maybe the robots are just fucking with us and they planned their attack for a year when we'll least expect it, like 2047. that's a good random year. and 20 bucks says it's gonna happen just because i joked about it. in any case, i want a refund.


.farting & bowel movements.


(this is dedicated to beeca. i love you.) why must people tell me about their bowel movements? i don't understand. i mean, we could be talking about so many other things like the weather, or toe cheese, or the backstreet boys. i dunno. maybe i'm just a priss. it's just unsettling to have someone come up to me say, "jesus, mia, i just took the biggest dump-- here, let me tell you about it." why?? do i want to hear this?? as for farting-- i'm okay with it. it's taken me a while to get to this point, though. i was traumatized as a child on many, many occassions. i have two older brothers. if you have siblings, you either had this done to you, or you were probably the jerk who did it, but my brothers used to fart in jars, close the lid up real tight, and save it for when they had wrestled me to the ground and pinned me down. *sigh* i think the worst time was when i was about 10 or so, and i was waiting for my mom to pull up at the food store with my brother. so i'm just standing there, right? minding my own business, when this guy, this really, really tall guy walks up with his friends, and right as he's walking by me, he lifts up his leg, and i shit you not, farts on me. right on my head. okay, i'm laughing so hard right now. at the time it was honestly traumatizing. i was in shock. i couldn't laugh or speak. and the jerk didn't even stop walking! it was all in one swift, graceful movement. i think now i'd applaud him. but i was a little kid, guys. that was just scary.


.grammar lessons.


why do people get all pissy if i (or anyone else, for that matter) correct their grammar? you're getting mad at me because i'm helping you try to sound intelligent? please please please (notice, no commas), if you ever notice that i've said something grammatically incorrect, let me know. i'd love it. personally, i don't want to sound like a redneck, considering i'm an english major and all...


.you mean you don't know???


i think it's pretty funny in that "no, actually, it just pisses me off" sort of way when i ask a question like, "what does this word mean?" and instead of just answering and not being a complete dick about it, the person ends up being a complete dick about it and says something like, "what?? you don't know?? how could you not know?? why not?? didn't you learn this in school?? that's so weird! you really don't know?" get over it, okay? i obviously don't know the answer if i had to pose the phrase in the form of a question. no need to be an ass about it.


.popular boys.


for some weird reason, i've dated "popular" boys (high school standards, mind you). i was never popular, at least not like that, so it blows my mind that somehow i got lucky and wound up with these well known, well-liked, really hot boys that many a girls pined for. but for the record, i'd rather date someone unknown for once, cuz, seriously, it sucks when girls come up to you and say,"oh, you dated so-and-so?? me too!" girls, plural. i mean, maybe i'm just lame, but i don't want to hear about it. i don't want to know what kind of relationship they had. i'm not down with swapping make-out stories. and i'm definitely not down with ex-girlfriends who automatically hate me just because i'm dating the boy they still like. i'm sorry, i thought we graduated from high school 4 years ago. *sigh* my next boy is gonna be jonny anonymous.


.twinkies.


this isn't about the food. i could very easily write about twinkies, but right now i wanna write about people (girls, mainly) who dress alike by accident. twins... twinkies... nevermind. anyway... isn't it funny how girls will try to find something unique to wear, and they for some reason go to, say, the gap of all places, and they pick out a cute little skirt off of a rack, where 20 other cute little skirts just like it are hanging waiting to be bought by the next girl, and then when these girls run into each other on some random day, and they're both wearing that same cute skirt, which came from a rack of 20 of the same cute skirts, which are being sold nation wide in god knows how many different states, and perhaps even in catalogs throughout the entire world, and they end up giving each other the evil eye cuz "dammit how dare she wear the same skirt i'm wearing today" and their day is ruined because they were positive nobody would ever think to buy that skirt (god forbid) and they end up telling their friends about that stupid bitch who had the audacity to wear the same skirt as she...? hahahahahahahaha



.mass consumerism.


actually, this deals more with mass production. it's a fairly simple thought: i don't understand why we need to buy (let alone make) so many useless products. i mean, we don't even really stop to think about it, but making signs like "end construction", or ...i don't know. i guess it's more noticeable if you step into a stock room full of office supplies and you think, "good grief, do we really need all of this stuff?" i mean, it's not bad that we have it. but sometimes i think we waste so much money on things that were obviously patented to make money, when we could be using the money spent to mass produce these useless things to, oh, i don't know, pay off the national debt, or feed someone living on the streets. i'm pretty naive as far as capitalism goes, so i'm sure i'm missing a vital point in mass production and consumerism. but that's just what i see. a lot of random things that we really don't need.


.fads.


i've got two words for you: what the hell ever happened to hypercolor t-shirts?



x be stellar

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12:03 pm - Surrrrrrrrvvveeeeeeeyyyyyysssss. Bored. =/
My Idea Of Hell
*In the CD player: Annoying techno music
*On the radio: Limp Bizkit
*On TV: non stop sports
*In the VCR: A Britney Spears video type thing *shudder*
*Your spouse/partner: Eddie Veddar
*Your dinner: turkey
*Your clothes: trendy flare pants and crop tops.
*Your hair: crimped.
*Your library: WW1/2 novels
*Your dwelling: condo.
*Your neighborhood: the one i live in now.
*Your job: housewife.
*Having a conversation with: Kate.

My Idea of Heaven
*In the CD player: Drop Kick Murphys.
*On the radio: Random punk.
*On TV: 80s cartoons.
*In the VCR: Umm.. Office space?
*Your spouse/partner: Markus or Tim Pagnotta. Preferably Markus.
*Your dinner: Gummybears.
*Your clothes: geeky and emo/punklike. thrift stores alla way.
*Your hair: Black with red streaks
*Your library: Poe. That's it. EAP.
*Your dwelling: a messy, old old apartment with huge windows in NYC.
*Your neighborhood: busy, ghetto at night, lots of clubs.
*Your job: rockstar/stripper
*Having a conversation with: Mawkus. =]



things that...
1) annoy you?
*my brother
*popups
*dumb slutty girls
*people bothering me when I'm not in the mood
*not being able to remember dreams
*being late
*repeating myself
*rude people

2) make you happy?
*Markus
*Markus.
*..Markus.
*sarcasm.
*massages
*other people being miserable
*a good song
*sleep
*having multiple days off from school
*kissing/cuddling/sex/sex/sex/lots of sex

3) anger you?
*the whole goddamn world.

4) make you sad?
*pretty much anything and everything

5) calm you down?
*absolutley NOTHING.

6) scare you?
*Can't think of anything at the moment.



Number of times I have been in love: Once, truly.
Number of times I have had my heart broken: More than i can fuckin count man.
Number of hearts I have broken: Maybe 2.
Number of boys I have kissed in my life: 6
Number of girls I have kissed: 2
Number of continents I have visited: One.
Number of drugs taken illegally: Damn, more than i can count on that one too.
Number of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends: Just Markus.
Number of people from high school that I stayed in contact with: 19. My whole clique.
Number of cd's that I own: 134 as of yesterday.
Number of piercings: 6.
Number of tattoos: 0
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: 4 times.
Number of scars on my body: 6 on each wrist. heh. thats depressing.
Number of people that have made me scared of what they could do to me physically: 4. I hate men.
Number of things in my past that I regret: I dont regret.



Name: Rachel Lynne
1. What Does Your Name Mean? Female.
2. Birthday: October 21st
3. Zodiac Sign: Libra
4. What are your plans for today? ... vodka.
5. What time is it? 11:02 am

Last Person Who......
6. Called you: Markus
7. Slept in your bed: me
8. Saw you cry: my dogs.
9. Made you cry: Markus.
10. Spent the night at your house: Bryan.
11. You shared a drink with: Curt.
12. You went to the movies with: Darren
13. You went to the mall with: Curt
14. Yelled at you: Tim
15. Sent you an email: Markus

Have you ever...
16. Taken a picture of yourself with a milk mustache and sent it to the milkpeople? no
17. Said "I love you" and not mean it: yes. =/
18. Gotten into a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish/etc: no
19. Been to New York? Live there, bitchass.
20. Been to Florida? yes
21. California? yes
22. Hawaii? no
23. Mexico? no
24. Philippines? no
25. Danced naked? maybe.
26. Had a dream about something really crazy? yes
27. Stalked someone? sorta
28. Had a mud bath? woodstock BAHAHAH.
29. Wished you were the opposite sex? once or twice, just to see what sex was like
30. Had an imaginary friend? Yeah
31. What time is it now? 11:12am

This or That
32. Apples or Bananas? bananas
33. Red or Blue?: blue
35. Wal Mart or Target? Target
36. Spring or fall? fall
37. Do you have a boy/girlfriend what is his/her name? Yup, Markusbear.
38. Santa or Rudolph? rudolph
40. What time is it now? 11:13
more.
41. What are you going to do after you finish this survey? talk to markus
42. What was the last meal you ate? couple gummybears
43. High school or college? neither
44. Are you bored? always
45. How many of your buddies are online? 17/86
46. Last movie you saw: Vanilla Sky
47. Last noise you heard: music

Which of your friends:
48. Has the most distinct laugh: Curt
49. Will grow up and be a model: Your mom.
50. Is going to have the most kids? Tamara, the lil slut ;P
51. Have you known the longest? Bryan
52. Knows you the best? Curt
53. Is the loudest: Tara
54. Is the quietest: Curt
55. Do you have the most classes with? Curt
57. Is the smartest? Curt..
58. Do you miss the most? Curt
59. Made you want to cry? Curt.. lol :D

The last few questions
60. Last birthday party you went to? uh uh uh... no fucking clue
61. Last time you went out of state? long time ago.
62. What is your lucky number? 61
63. What time is it now? 11:16am




What size is your bed? queen
How many people regularly sleep in your bed? 1
Do you sleep with a blankie or stuffed animals? both
How many people can comfortably sleep in your bed? up to 4. I like 2, but i like bein close.
Who is the next person you would like to have in your bed with you? Markus
What position do you go to sleep in? curled up
What position do you wake up in? side or back
Have you ever woken up in a really weird position? sure
How many blankets/covers do you have on your bed?: 4-5
What do your sheets have on them, design-wise? strawberry shortcake
Have you ever found your pillows on the other side of the room? no
When was the last time you fell out of bed? dont recall
Do you snore? no
Hows about drooling? i sleep with my mouth closed.
Do you remember your dreams? not usually.
When did you last have a bad dream? its been a while.
How quickly do you fall asleep? takes a while
Can you sleep with the lights on? no
How about with outside noise? no
What is the longest time you ever spent in bed? 18 hours.
If you could have any other kind of bed, what would it be? king size with built in handcuffs for markus. *purr*



1. Name: Rachel

2. Alias: Cuddlebum

3. Age: old enough.

4. Location: Sracuse, NY

5. Identifying Marks: different colored eyes.

6. Goals/Dreams/Aspirations: have lots of sex, comitt suicide at age 27

7. Likes: music, sex, foreplay, making out, making out in the rain.

8. Dislikes: everything else.

10. What bands do you like: Nirvana, Hole, Sugarcult, Drop kick murphys, Propaghandi, etc 7162377298371893798174289687 more.

11. What do you wear on a regular day? fishnet stockings, chunky black lace up boots, plaid pants or a plaid skirt with safety pins and zippers, band tshirt with a stripey shirt underneath.

12. What do you wear on an evening out? same thing. i might be a classyslut and put on a skimpy little black dress. whatever.

13. What color is your hair right now? crayon red.

14. What colors has it been in the past? light blonde, dark blonde, dark red, hair color red with blonde streaks, yadda yadda.

15. Got any tattoos? none

16. Piercings? 8, 7 in my ears and 1 navel

17. Do you wear all black? Sometimes

18. If not then what other colors do you wear? Red and black.

19. What is your most expensive article of clothing? leather pants.

20. What is your most fabulous article of clothing? argyle sweater.

21. What is your most personalized article of clothing? .. i have no fuckin idea.

22. How do you tend to accessorize yourself? plastic cheap bracelets, safety pins everywhere, thick ball chains, etc.

23. What is your favorite accessory? spongebob watch.

24. How do you like to wear your make up? Thick and dark

25. Do you ever use whiteface? sometimes.

26. Do you wear sunglasses at night? no

27. What is your favorite store? Thrift store.

28. Overall, how would you describe your unique style? geek/emokid/punk.. i dont know.

29. What is the most annoying thing people say about the way you dress? theres soo many stupid comments that i couldnt live with myself to repeat.

30. What is the funniest thing anyone ever said about the way you dress? "Is that your real hair color?" when my hair was denim.

31. What is your drink of choice? straight vodka.

32. What is your drug of choice? sex

33. What is your sexuality? Markusexual.

34. What color walls does your room have? white.

35. How many posters are on them (and what are they of)? several fairy/kurt cobain things.

36. What is on your dresser right now? cd's, tissues, make up, clothes

37. Over all, what does your room look like? messy

38. Are you depressed, stressed, dealing with anxiety, dealing with racing thoughts, ect. right now? 24/7.
39. Do you keep things inside? i'm not telling.

40. If you don?t take meds do you think that you should? i take too many.

41. Do you need help? no

42. Have you been diagnosed with anything? yes.

43. Do you constantly forget things? not really

44. Do you have suicidal thoughts or have you ever had suicidal thoughts? Yup

45. Are you suicidal or have you ever tried? Yup.

46. If so when was the last time you did so? Last week.

47. Kurt Cobain or Marilyn Monroe (meaning would you take your life quickly and shoot yourself as Kurt Cobain did or would you overdose on pills as Marilyn Monroe did)? Kurt.

48. Do you have a bad temper? yes

49. Is life just too much? sometimes.

50. Do you feel that you are alone? most of the time

51. Do you hear voices in your head? Sometimes.

52. If so what is one of things they have told you? they told me to fuck your mom. none of your business, jackass.

53. Do you often realize that your characteristics are slightly different? no

54. Do people stare at you? until i flip them off.

55. Do they talk about you? yeah

56. Do you somehow think that you can sense and feel certain things? sort of

57. Do you believe in the word Normal? No.

58. Is life just a big fucked up dream to you or is life as real as it gets to you? both

59. Do you do any drugs? Yeah.

60. If so, did you know that XTC is known to make people even more depressed when the high is over as some side effect? Yes, dumbass.

61. Do you have an escape? yes

62. What exactly is your escape my friend? die.

63. Do you drink alcohol? yes

64. Do you drink the Devils poison alone? sometimes

65. Did you know that this is also a sign of depression? yes, dumbass. i hate this survey. I'm bipolar, I know i'm depressed and i'm not helping in anyway. fuck you.

66. Please share your favorite quote with us whether it be from a poem, song, movie, ect.: "I dont meann to be a diva but somedays you wake up and you're barbara streisand"

67. Are you a loner? yes

68. Hot or Cold? both

69. Fire or Ice? fire

70. Rope, Knife, Razor, Gun, or Pills? Razor or gun.

71. Do you feel like you can kill sometimes? yes

72. Have you ever fantasized about killing? Sometimes.

73. Were you abused as a child (mentally or physically)? mentally. I think.

74. Are you Rebellious? most of the time.

75. Do you own a wallet chain? yes

76. Can you relate to the song Sickness by the group Disturbed? I dont want to.

77. Do you smoke cigarettes (if so, why did you start to begin with)? no.

78. Do you smoke pot (if so what is your reason for smoking pot)? Not as much anymore.

79. Are you a cutter? no

80. Does it keep you feeling? no

81. Are you somebody? no

82. Sex? I wish.




If I were a stone, I would be: a rock.
If I were a tree, I would be a: dick.
If I were a bird, I would be a: duck.
If I were an insect, I would be a: dragonfly
If I were a machine, I would be a: electric chair.
If I were a tool, I would be a: screwdriver
If I were a fruit, I would be: your mom
If I were a flower, I would be: blood red rose.
If I were a kind of weather, I would be: rainy
If I were a mythical creature, I would be: fairy
If I were a musical instrument, I would be a: guitar
If I were a kind of profession, I would be: psychology
If I were a dog, I would be a: basset hound
If I were an animal, I would be a: kitty
If I were anything in the world, I would be: loved
If I were a color, I would be: blue-grey... something you have to look at twice
If I were a fragrance, I would be: gummybears
If I were an emotion, I would be: i dont know
If I were a state or feeling, I would be: depression or anger
If I were a vegetable, I would be a: broccoli
If I were a sound, I would be: meow
If I were an Element, I would be: water
If I were a season, I would be: Winter



goddddddddddd im so done my fingers hurt.

current mood: bored

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Sunday, December 30th, 2001
10:07 pm - Theif
niuk niuk, i stole this from cheezy!#$!#$

- last book you read: Green Eggs and Ham. Yes, i read it yesterday. Asshole.
- last movie you saw: For Keeps
- last movie you saw on the big screen: I dont remember.
- last phone number you called: Ericka, no i'm not giving you her number. Bitch.
- last show you watched on TV: X-Files
- last song you heard: Sugarcult - Stuck in America
- last thing you had to drink: Dr. Pepper
- last thing you ate: an icecube
- Last Time you showered: this morning, 4am
- last time you cried: last week.
- last time you smiled: umm. a long time ago.
- last time you laughed: long time ago.
- last person you hugged: curt
- last thing you said: "well i'll be a son of a bitch"
- last person you talked to online: Markus.
- last person you talked to on the phone: Markus
- last thing you smelled: Oil

Do you...
- smoke? no
- do drugs? sometimes
- drink? yes
- have sex? sometimes
- sleep with stuffed animals? yes.
- have a crush? no
- have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes. =]
- have a dream that keeps coming back? nope
- play an instrument? yes.
- believe there is life on other planets? yes
- read the newspaper? nope
- have any gay or lesbian friends? Yes
- believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? Yes
- consider yourself tolerant of others? not really.
- consider police a friend or foe? i dunno.
- like the taste of alcohol? liquor... mmmm
- have a favourite Stooge? no not really.
- believe in astrology? Yeah.
- believe in magic? What comercial is that from?
- pray? no
- go to church? no
- have any secrets? i don't think so... i'm a rather open person
- have any pets? 8.
- go to or plan to go to college? Maybe
- have a degree? no
- talk to strangers who instant message you? Yes
- wear hats? no
- have any piercings? Yup
- have any tattoos? no
- hate yourself? pretty much.
- have a "hot spot"? Hell yeah.
- wish on stars? no.
- like your handwriting? i hate my handwriting.
- have any bad habits? plenty
- believe in witches? yeah
- believe in Satan? I am Satan.
- believe in ghosts? sure why not.
- believe in Santa? sure why not.
- believe in the Easter Bunny? sure why not.
- believe in the Tooth Fairy? sure why not..
- have a second family? sure why not... oh. i dont have a family in the first place, i pretty much hate everyone except markus.
- trust others easily? no, not at all.
- like sarcasm? I am sarcasm.
- take walks in the rain? yes
- kiss with your eyes closed? yeah.
- sing in the shower? no

damn that was gay.

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9:33 pm - SUPERME0W HAS RETURNED!@!#!# dun dun dun!
OOOOOOtay, raychul is back to livejournal again. wheee! me and markus are back together and i'd say i'm fairly happy. he's sucha shweetie. I wuv him to dddeeeeeeath!@#! ah well ill edit this later. peace.

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Wednesday, December 5th, 2001
8:56 am
The current mood of mxpx_princess69@hotmail.com at www.imood.com
imood r3wlz. ;/

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Monday, December 3rd, 2001
6:42 am - MEOW.!@$#!#@

i do have a life. I DO I DO!@$#$!@

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Friday, November 23rd, 2001
8:00 am - Goodbye.
I'm posting with two secksi german bois at madslugs.de because they think i'm sexy when i'm a bitch. bye livejournal. =/

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Tuesday, November 20th, 2001
4:17 pm - Sigh.
I've been in very shitty and depressing moods this past week and a half. Everyone's getting mad at me for it. I'm thinking about just going offline for a few weeks and leaving everyone alone. Life sucks, it's seasonal depression and I can't really help it. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and they're going to change my medication. Hopefully it gets me happier. Whatever, I can't cope anymore, I need to leave. If anyone reads this, i'll be gone for atleast a week or two. If I decide to do something drastic, I'll let someone know. Life blows.

current mood: drained

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Sunday, November 18th, 2001
9:29 am - Sigh.
Hi, I'm an antisocial punk nerd. Nice to fucking meet you.

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Sunday, November 11th, 2001
5:32 am
Take Me in Your Arms


So now, little man, you've grown tired of grass
LSD, goofballs, cocaine and hash,
and someone, pretending to be a true friend,
said, "I'll introduce you to Miss Heroin."

Well honey, before you start fooling with me,
just let me inform you of how it will be.

For I will seduce you and make you my slave,
I've sent men much stronger than you to their graves.
You think you could never become a disgrace,
and end up addicted to Poppy seed waste.

So you'll start inhaling me one afternoon,
you'll take me into your arms very soon.
And once I've entered deep down in your veins,
The craving will nearly drive you insane.

You'll swindle your mother and just for a buck.
You'll turn into something vile and corrupt.
You'll mug and you'll steal for my narcotic charm,
and feel contentment when I'm in your arms.

The day, when you realize the monster you've grown,
you'll solemnly swear to leave me alone.
If you think you've got that mystical knack,
then sweetie, just try getting me off your back.

The vomit, the cramps, your gut tied in knots.
The jangling nerves screaming for one more shot.
The hot chills and cold sweats, withdrawal pains,
can only be saved by my little white grains.

There's no other way, and there's no need to look,
for deep down inside you know you are hooked.
You'll desperately run to the pushers and then,
you'll welcome me back to your arms once again.

And you will return just as I foretold!
I know that you'll give me your body and soul.
You'll give up your morals, your conscience, your heart.
And you will be mine until, "Death Do Us Part"

- Anonymous

Amen.

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Saturday, November 10th, 2001
7:42 am
Okay, i have this WHOLE thing on Sailor Jupiter that I have on my page from a long time ago. So Imma paste it. =/

Kino Makoto / Sailor Jupiter is the 4th sailor Scout to appear in the Sailormoon the series. She discovers her identity during a battle with a youma, where she fought without even knowing she was a soldier. She lifted the youma above her head and the sign of Jupiter appeared, which Luna recognized. The symbol looks like a "4", which is the Roman symbol for Jupiter. It does not signify that she is the fourth senshi. As a senshi, Sailor Jupiter's attacks are based upon lightning. This is logical both due to the use of lightning by the god Jupiter as well as Jupiter being the stormiest planet in the solar system. She is the most physically strong senshi, and is really good in martial arts. Of all the inner senshi, she is the most likely to punch or kick a monster instead of letting her special powers do all the work. Her special attacks are also quite strong, They are able to knock down buildings and doorways. etc..
Mako-chan is very tall and muscular ((Like me)) Thats why I like her so much! As a soldier, she is very proud of her strength and jumps into battle eagerly whenever she sees a good oppurtunity to kick some butt! However, in Mako-chan's normal life, she is often embarassed by her skill in sports and her tall slender build. Her hobbies include housekeeping and cooking. ((yuk!)) She is well known among her friends as an excellent cook, and makes meals for the group on several occasions. Makoto also is prone to get crushes on people rather easily, although they are usually forgotten by the end of the day. It seems like everyone around reminds her of her senpai(not sempai, that means something completely different). There was even a point where she had a pretty big crush on Haruka, enough to follow her around all day and ask the others not to go with her or bother her. Since the inners are usually so tight with each other, when one of them wants to be alone something serious is up. And this was after she knew that Haruka was a girl, which leaves me no alternative but to assume that Mako-chan is bisexual, at least for that day. Maybe just wishful thinking, who knows, watch the episode and make up your own mind about it.
Makoto is probably one of the more mature girls in the group, especially the further you get into the series. She is often the voice of reason in disputes and arguments, and she often contributes useful ideas. As a senshi, she is most useful in battle as she is capable of physically holding her own with almost any enemy. Unfortunately, she has a tendency to get overly embarassed when people compliment her on her strength and skill in sports, as she would prefer not to be thought of as a tomboy.

Her Sexuality...Ooooo LaLa....

Well this should be interesting. You see, Makoto has a dual personality, more so than the other inners, I think. When she is Sailor Jupiter, she is proud of her aggressive nature and strength, often trying to show off her physical body(which is damn impressive) and strength whenever she can. However, in her normal life she seems almost ashamed of her strength and busies herself with the most demure and feminine things that she can devise (i.e. cooking, cleaning, etc.) in an attempt to "fit in" with the other girls. So you can expect an equal duality in bed. Although I think it's somewhere in the Sailor Senshi Handbook that you can't use your transformation powers for sexual reasons(unless you're the Starlights, because I like to think that they can :) ) that doesn't mean that Makoto wouldn't act out her aggressive role occasionally, and then at other times be very passive. It will probably be a seasonal type of sexual relationship, during times when she is busy as a soldier she will probably be passive in bed, while during lax times in conflicts when she has no other outlet for her aggressive tendencies she will probably be *quite* aggressive. If you are a squeamish lover who doesn't like getting a scratch/bruise every now and then then you should back out now. Many guys like for their girl to be aggressive only because they know, "well if I really want to stop her I can since I'm stronger" but in this case trust me, unless you lift 20 ton boulders for a living you are not stronger, and she *will* do what she wants with you and you *will* like it, and don't expect to be able to do anything about it. Another one of those things I consider a bonus, but you might not like it.

No-No's and Okies!

Do: Eat her cooking even if you're not hungry, she gets mad when people refuse her food.

Do: Be straight forward and honest with her, she appreciates a strong person.

Don't: Get mad if she looks at other guys(or girls) with googly starry eyes every now and then, that's going to happen but you really don't have to worry about her cheating due to the fact that she's extremely honest(Makoto means honesty/sincerity in Japanese, just so you know). However, she would probably not be averse to the idea of more than one boyfriend/girlfriend if you are not, but that's a matter you'll have to take up with her. I can't do everything for you guys, you know!

Don't: Piss her off. Don't do it, I'm warning you. Please listen. She will hurt you.

Don't: Try to help too much with the housework/cooking, I know this goes against my philosophy on the subject but she's different from most women in that she really wants to cook and keep the house nice for her mate, through doing that she feels more feminine. Let her do it and only help when she's not looking or when she asks, and don't feel guilty about it because that's the way she wants it.

Hahahah god, was i cool or what.

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Thursday, November 8th, 2001
6:07 pm - .
Hi. Life sucks. Bye.

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Wednesday, November 7th, 2001
5:24 pm - .b.o.r.e.d.
i collect
stickers | buttons | bottle tops | popsicle sticks | sakura stuff | pictures | pez dispensers | sanrio stuff | drawings from people | pens | movies | dust | notes | cute little pads of paper

i love
my real friends | music | yummy punk bois | anything drawn | cartoons | the simpsons | sanrio | anime | getting new cds. good ones! | decorating | misspelling | the internet | my page | rain. when i can be inside | my room | kandy | lemonade | fruit roll ups | matthew lillard | spiky blue hair | blue | hugs more than kisses | to shock people | attention | patience | my lubbybear markus | markus' hair | i have an unusual weakness for boys in punk bands :|

i hate
more than i love | lots of people | when people don't listen to what i'm telling them and then they ask shit that i just told them | mean people | snobby people | people that think they know everything | the type of guy that every girl wants | people that argue just to argue | two faced people | manipulative people | no one can spell liar correctly | money | admitting i'm wrong | syracuse | the phone | static | being paranoid | awkwardness | waking up early | school

i am
in love | a grrl | rachel | rachie | taken | slowly dying | naked without my watch on | a bitch to my boyfriend | stubborn | lazy | irritable | an internet junky | annoyed by many things | a damn yankee | young | a selfish bitch | forever wanting something more | *charlie's angel* | boring. cause i'm always bored | a procrastinator | easily amused | picky | cuddley | a libra | depressed | sexist | straight | woman. hear me r0ar | a free spirit | a sensible person | a thinker | an artist | a good thinker | a yank | a hopeless romantic | my own social class | smart: when i try | straight | happy | fun | funny | sweet | loving | weak emotionally| impatient | green sometimes | slutty: in and out | creative | unconfident | forgiving | emotionally lonely | someone that has bad luck with men | bad at seeing someones bad character | good at picking my friends | bad at finding out who my enemies are | my own person | dying to get out of this house | hoping to graduate soon | a future kindergarten teacher | future owner of my own clothing and art store | someone that doesnt care what other people think of me | hyper yet calm...no, hyper | willing to hear anyones side of the story | good at changing my mind | unable to be a bitch..until you cross me | watch out now..

i am not
in any little subculture| outgoing | very friendly | afraid of airplanes | musically talented | subject to easily fall in love | good at making new friends | here to please everyone | a southerner | good at dealing with problems | talented | a worker | one for confrontations | anorexic | a good singer | what you want me to be | controlling | very good with self discipline | ever completely happy | a good talker | a druggy | a smoker | one to trust many people

.b o r e d a s h e l l.

Hi.

current mood: bored

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8:34 am - ... No fucking subject, fuck you.
Let this be a warning to all men, ex boyfriends, people, women, animals, testicals or elements in the world.

wickedsk8er01: pleaseeeeeeeeeee
_________________________________

Auto response from r0cKstArMe0w: *sigh*
_________________________________
wickedsk8er01: oh c'mon
wickedsk8er01: dont gimme that
r0cKstArMe0w: matt
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck off
r0cKstArMe0w: i dont like you
r0cKstArMe0w: i dont want to talk to you
wickedsk8er01: yay thankyou
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck off.
r0cKstArMe0w: goodbye.
wickedsk8er01: so whatcha been up too
wickedsk8er01: you dont have to like me.. just talk to me
r0cKstArMe0w: r0cKstArMe0w: i dont want to talk to you
r0cKstArMe0w: dumbass
wickedsk8er01: i read that already
wickedsk8er01: i'm telling you
wickedsk8er01: talk to me anyway
r0cKstArMe0w: it didnt process well.
r0cKstArMe0w: i'm telling you
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck off.
r0cKstArMe0w: heh
wickedsk8er01: uhh... it processed fine
wickedsk8er01: so did that
wickedsk8er01: but i'm saying
r0cKstArMe0w: obviously not.
wickedsk8er01: drop the attitude and talk to me
r0cKstArMe0w: dont fucking talk to me like you're my goddamn father
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck the hell off, im in a bad god damn mood and i hate you so leave me the fuck alone please.
r0cKstArMe0w: i dont want to talk to you, i dont care if you want to talk to me
wickedsk8er01: sorry
wickedsk8er01: good hate me thats perfect
wickedsk8er01: i only want you to talk to me cuz i'm bored
r0cKstArMe0w: figures.
wickedsk8er01: why you in a bad mood now?
r0cKstArMe0w: thats not a reason to talk to someone. idiot.
r0cKstArMe0w: none of your fucking business
wickedsk8er01: you must be damn bored when you write in those journals
wickedsk8er01: congrats on the band btw...
r0cKstArMe0w: yeah. fuck off.
wickedsk8er01: tell me something... a while ago you dropped this and we were friends again.. what changed?
r0cKstArMe0w: i wasnt taking meditcation.
r0cKstArMe0w: at the time.
wickedsk8er01: and you are now?
r0cKstArMe0w: yes.
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck off please.
r0cKstArMe0w: =]
wickedsk8er01: shouldnt that be making you calm?
wickedsk8er01: and if you wrote those.. nice lyrics
r0cKstArMe0w: no, just sensible.
wickedsk8er01: i think the meds are fuckin with your head to be honest
r0cKstArMe0w: oh my god
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck you
wickedsk8er01: nah i'm right
r0cKstArMe0w: you dont know shit, dont act like you do.
wickedsk8er01: i aint saying i know anything
r0cKstArMe0w: so dont say anything at all.
r0cKstArMe0w: idiot
wickedsk8er01: but from how your acting... i feel that the meds are fucking with your head
r0cKstArMe0w: i always act like this.
r0cKstArMe0w: i dont like you
r0cKstArMe0w: i never will
r0cKstArMe0w: i dont enjoy talking to you
r0cKstArMe0w: i dont want to.
r0cKstArMe0w: never will
wickedsk8er01: right...
r0cKstArMe0w: i just want you to leave me alone
wickedsk8er01: and you never did right?
wickedsk8er01: am i right
r0cKstArMe0w: definatley.
r0cKstArMe0w: go away.
wickedsk8er01: no
wickedsk8er01: aint goin anywhere till you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you
r0cKstArMe0w: why the fuck do you care.
wickedsk8er01: why do i care
wickedsk8er01: because despite what you think... despite what you say to me and call me... i still consider you a friend... and seeing as i think of you as one of my friends... i dont like to see you like this... not t hat i'm actually seeing you but, you know what i mean
r0cKstArMe0w: that's nice.
r0cKstArMe0w: fuck off.
wickedsk8er01: you can tell me to fuck off all you want... but i aint gonna
r0cKstArMe0w: great
r0cKstArMe0w: lovely mood booster.
wickedsk8er01: you know me rachel.. and how fucking persistant i can bewickedsk8er01: so you can tell me whats wrong.. and i'll fuck off... or i can just keep bothering you
r0cKstArMe0w: how about we do this?
wickedsk8er01 signed off at 8:24:50 AM.

If anyone EVER messages me and talks to me like that when i'm in a bad mood, consider it your fucking death wish. Do you know how fucking sick and miserable i am? Every fucking time i'm in a bad fucking mood, Matt messages me and acts like hes my friend. Great. More lovely screen names.

mattyb17au: tsk, that really dont work for me
mattyb17au: believe me... i have alot of S/N's so this is really gonna bug you
mattyb17au: so are you talking yet?
mattyb17au: honestly... i really dont wanna have to download it
mattyb17au: lalalalalalaallalalalalalala
mattyb17au: lalalalalalalalalalalalala
mattyb17au: lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalaal
mattyb17au: laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
mattyb17au: alalalalalalalalalallll
mattyb17au: lalalalal
mattyb17au: ala
mattyb17au: laalalaall
mattyb17au: aal
mattyb17au: al
mattyb17au: al
mattyb17au: alall


Matty B, bringin it down says:
plus here... i got a few different emails too
Matty B, bringin it down says:
in the true punk spirit of things... fuck you


Someone is going to die soon.. I swear to god. Sigh.

current mood: sick

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